Many things to come

I would say the last two years have been the hardest two years I have had to struggle through, not only that but I also had to try and understand why these particular things happened to me.

For a long loooong time I have been the type of bitter person who blamed everyone else for my problems, although part of that is slightly true I had never taken responsibility. I would say that in the last two years I have grown as a person and I am able to look back and see that I could have easily prevented the problems I had if I had simply had the courage. That's what I lack mostly, the courage to just say no.

I have accepted that I have to stop waiting for someone to save me, I have to stop waiting for some miracle to happen which will allow me to lose 100lbs. There is no saviour, there is no miracle..only determination and hard work, persistence and motivation. Certain things in the past couldn't be helped, the situation I am in made it near impossible for me to save money, to take driving lessons, to just do what I wanted to do with it. But now I am older and wiser and more aware of the actions people expect me to carry on with, it's not like that anymore and I am so happy for it.

I have decided to write a five year plan and that has kept my mind in focus, there are a few other things I have been looking forward to and I would like to share that with you. Not only things I am looking forward to but also things that I have been doing to get through the toughest times.

Moving out
Starting up driving lessons again
Buying house essentials
Starting university
Stationary shopping
Booking our holiday
Using my money for ME
Being able to save money for a change

I have got back in contact with old friends & arranged to meet, after losing contact it's so nice for me to just rekindle our friendships and meet up with them again tonight for example..A girl's night out! I haven't really had one in ages and I am happy!

Keeping a smash jar or 'pot of dreams' to save money, knowing that it is such a beautiful jar makes it near impossible for me to have the courage to smash it. So it's easier to save money, one is almost full though so another one has to be bought soon! Me and Batman decided that we would keep buying and filling them until exactly a year from moving into our new home.

Are there any friends you would like to get back in contact with? Or anything that prevents you from saving money and you want to change it? Let me know in the comments!

Renee x

Change

Sometimes I still get that wonderful giddy feeling when I think about the fact I am apart of such a friendly community of bloggers who continuously support each other; other times I am frustrated with the lack of views I have received or feeling the pressure of developing the well known writers block. 

Recently I realised that things have changed, for starters in the two years that I have maintained this blog I have learnt so much; how to keep an audience, meeting new people and discovering new blogs, but also becoming closer with the very first bloggers who welcomed me when I started. 
With all the positive changes unfortunately the negative follows, I came to realise that all the past posts I have written were not necessarily done out of passion. Some were written when I was bored, upset, angry or just because I felt like my blog was slipping and I needed to get something, anything out there, it was written from one quick thought and in one quick draft, posted and called content. 

That is not who I am and I am embarrassed about the lack of effort in my previous posts, I look back on them and it makes me sad, I want to write from my heart - As cringy as that sounds! With planning, drafting, and not clicking publish until I am 100% happy with what I have developed. I have decided that in order for me to move forward and progress onto the future I must erase my past...in relation to my blog that means deleting every post. 

This may seem super silly to some people but I do believe these posts are having a negative effect on my ability to write, I love this blog and I want to see it grow and thrive. I guess I kinda feel like the past doesn't define who I am and I want to show the blogging community that I can do this and I am a good blogger/writer. 

So I guess this is a welcome, to my first post as a newly defined writer, I hope this simple change can help me grow as a person and prevent me from being afraid of writing what I really want to write.